roll on 2010

We're only hours away from 2010 now but rather than becoming increasingly lubricated by booze with friends I'm recovering from a stomach bug. Andy and Kirsty have both been ill and Mum and Stuart are still ill so it could have been much worse I should be thankful that it only lasted a day or so but even so it seems a pants way to end the year. Quite a year too. There were undoubtedly ups, getting into med school at the 11th hour and becoming course president were pretty awesome, but the year seemed punctuated by familial health concerns and more recently a loans company screw up which means I'm 2 grand worse off than I was a month ago. Anyway 2009 is on its way out and that means, in theory at least, a fresh start awaits. And for the first time I can remember I am making some New Year's resolutions:

More blogging A quick scan shows I've only managed to get the half the posts up this year that I did in 2008, hopefully I can change that in 2010

At least 2 runs or rides every week Ok not the most ambitious training plan particularly given some blogs I read aim for 5000km cycling in a year but given that my achilles heel is consistency and time is limited i'm aiming low and playing the long game.

Go to the cinema every month Another thing I'm good at chatting about but not actually doing

I'm sure there was at least one more, ah well!

Ready to roll

Single speed superfly finally built up

Single Speed Euro Champs

Managed to wangle an entry to the euros! So did Alec, I think we;re determined to get at least 2 laps-the last time we raced together neither of us could stomach a second lap (copious beer and cider the night before plus bike jousting had left its mark)

This year though, this year we're definitely gonna try not to get lapped and/or make 2 laps. Probably.

And the fly might be making its way back out the door :'( Student finance have decided after giving me a grand so far (and funding other people on the course) that my course is in fact NOT eligible for funding. Weird that seeing as I know at least half a dozen people who ARE on this course and funded. Time to pull presidential strings and ask my new best friend at the student union about a hardship fund. :(

Christmas comes early

Finally got my single speed superfly frame and forks today :D Although it will be another week before I get it built up and ridden, it looks awesome and I can't wait to through a leg over it. Just got my fingers crossed my funding for uni comes through next year and I don't have to sell it :(

El Presidente

It would appear my peers are entirely lacking in sound judgement as I was voted in as the new president this week. I'm not entirely sure what I'm president of, officially its the Graduate Entry Medicine Society which is a bit of a vague term. There are social, welfare and charity secretaries as well as student reps, the general secretary and treasurer and im the president. Clear as mud really. The work has started already and I'm meant to meet the Graduate entry Education Director this week, *gulp*.

itchy

Starting to irritate more than just the people who are seen with me, the 'tache is starting to feel like a bristling caterpillar who resents my facial movements. Still at least I look like a tit*.




*more than usual

and breath

Feels like a long week, found out Mummy Bell* is ill and isn't going to get better plus I got my exam results and not entirely sure I've passed. For the multiple choice I did fine but for the essays (which were always going to be tough) I have passed overall *ahem* by 1 mark but apparently you can fail individual questions if you don't get a high enough average! So we had 5 questions each with 2 parts, those are worth 5 marks each and you need to get 6 marks in total per question and for 2 questions I averaged 4 :(

Plus the question I bombed and got 1 for** was written by my tutor so that'll be fun when I have my next meeting with him :(

Also turned out the pass mark was not 55% as I thought but 30 out of 50 ie 60%, I got 31 so bum across the line but only just.


*She didn't want to be called Gran when I was born and because she is my Mum's mum and her surname is Bell she became Mummy Bell :D

**An answer so bad a line was drawn through it and a note added to where I'd written the "baby stage" of development stating that this "was not part of Eriksen's model"
ie I'd made it up. Caught!

not again!

Yup the 'tache is back but this time it's here to stay. For a month at least. As part of Movember some of the guys at uni are sporting/growing/stealing moustaches to raise cash for prostate cancer. I'm part of that hardcore unit, more here

but this is what you've come for:


photo updates through the month people

hanging on in

Well this illness has held on for over a week now and it's ever so slightly pissing me off. I could see it coming to be fair, I haven't been doing exercise and haven't slept properly in ages then Hannah got bundled off to hospital with swine flu and when Mike dropped the next day I knew I was next. I made it in for one of my workshops and managed to spray most of my group in flem over the course of 2 hrs but took the next day off. The weekend found me in bed feeling grim (and missing tipa and john who'd come up for the weekend. Gutted.) Thankfully we had Monday off and I made it in on Tuesday which was unfortunately a 9 til 7 affair :(

It's now Saturday and I *think* it's starting to fade but fuck me it's been endless. First exam is a week on Monday. Even with a 40% pass mark I'm still not sure I'll make the cut off.

EDIT: pass mark is 55%, fuck.

I have a bike. somewhere.

Feeling jaded, riding into school a few times a week but not swung a leg over my mountain bike since I left Scotland. Despite that I've been trying to buy a single speed superfly without success and keep finding myself drawn to bits and pieces to keep me ticking over at uni. I'm sure it'll pass. 4 maybe 5 years...

Listing

It's Sunday and my mood is pretty different from Friday morning. On Friday I felt like I'd had a pretty good week, wasn't as intense as the first week and it felt a lot more coherent than the previous week, things were tying up and relating to one another a bit better. Pretty pleased with myself I sat down with my PBL to discuss the case thus far. Very quickly it became very apparent why I thought my week had been easy. Not only was the topic I'd had to cover for the case covered in our workshops but I hadn't read much to back up the weeks lectures. It was evident I was alone in this. Bugger. So this weekend has been mostly trying to squeeze information into my brain. *sigh*

It's fun but there's a lot to learn, below are our learning outcomes. Not for the year, nor for the module (each module has 6 cases and cases are given weekly) nope the list below are the learning areas for the previous 2 weeks. It's a long way to Christmas.


* Amino acids and proteins
* Basic introduction to metabolism
* Essential amino acids
* Inheritance, DNA and genetics
* PKU
* Breastfeeding
* Composition of baby formula, and breast milk
* Genetics: Carrier status
* Genetics: differences bewteen identical and non identical twins
* Introduction to genetics: genetic crosses/pedigree/punnet squares/cross diagrams
* Consequences of phenylalanine accumulation
* Normal and abnormal phenylalanine metabolism
* Effects of illness on other family members
* Impact of neonatal diagnoses on family members
* Acute inflammation basic principles and features
* Blood cells
* Blood flow in capillaries
* Defence against extracellular pathogens
* Natural defences
* Nature of bacteria
* Recognition of extracellular pathogens
* Types of blood vessels including lymphatics
* (PPD) The importance of familial and social support and implications for prospective old age
* Antibiotics general principles
* Antigens
* Complement
* Inflammatory mediators
* Allergy (definition not detail)
* Fever
* Immunoglobulins
* Antibiotic sensitivity.
* Identification of organisms.

sleep eat study beer besos sleep eat study

ok ok I knew what I was getting myself into before I started but even so it's a bit of a culture shock. It wasn't that long ago that I thought working Fridays was for suckers* and found time for siestas during my working day. Not now though, oh no it's all lectures, workshops and relentless inforbloodymation. Well actually tomorrow's timetable is ok and Wednesday isn't too bad. And I went for beers tonight (actually it was a meeting about teaching schoolkids about sex) and I have a meal with my teaching group tomorrow night.** But apart from that it's pretty busy. In fact I went in yesterday to catch up on stuff (week1 and I'm already a bit lost) and managed to cover a 3m by 2m whiteboard with notes. Slightly worrying.

Still it's only 5 weeks until my first exam and i quote, "if you know everything the exams will be fine."

That's the exam officer.

"If you can hold on until Christmas you'll be fine." That's the support officer.

Slightly nervous and more than slightly tired but it's interesting, it's the challenge I need and every time I step into a clinical scenario I get a buzz that this is what Ill be doing for the next 30 or 40 years.***




*working Fridays is definitely for suckers

** Have i mentioned that my yeargroup includes an olympian, several linguists, several international athletes and Matt damon's body double?

***if I pass the exams ;)

want!

(has an ebb so can run it ss)

SSWC

looks a helluva lot of fun



stolen from the Durango Herald

deeeeeeeeerby

Well we're in! Tinterweb is all sorted, bins cutlery and other stuff you never think of buying until you have to furnish a house. Uni is starting to gain momentum it's only been 4 days but already people have been telling us to have a life outside the course, make sure we get enough rest and that we will almost inevitably be pretty burnt out come christmas. *gulp*

Photography has fallen by the wayside for now, don't know my coursemates well enough to start snapping them (it'll come) so I built up my new/old 'cross bike and had a quick blast around the parks here. It's fricking awesome fun! Can't wait for a longer pedal although I'm not sure when that will be...

This isn't a million miles away from where we now live, saweeeeet:

A Cross The Peaks from Will Beresford on Vimeo.

beer, bikes and smiles

Seen a lot of my mates recently, in fact I'm just back from a banterful beer fuelled session, and it's been awesome. Missing friends back in Madrid really wish I could combine mates that are scattered across the continent but that's not to be so we count ourselves lucky we have such great friends in so many places. Meeting more mates again tomorrow, think I may have missed Johan though-by days it would seem :'(

tired

It's not even been 2 weeks but I already feel like I've been through the grinder. Student loan is probably going to be delayed (arse on the phone), bank loan is now up in the air (eejit on the phone), auntie is heading for radio and chemotherapy tomorrow (twat in the lab fucked up results) my vaccinations for uni are providing a never ending source of questions (no-ones fault just endless) can't get internet banking to work for account in Spain (probably my fault) plus we need to furnish a house and move the stuff several hundred miles south. (totally our own fault)

So I'm looking forward to uni* as I'll be able to get my head down and work like buggery rather than spend every day on the phone either on hold or chatting to twunts-one woman when I asked her how I would know if my loan had been approved said, "just hope for the best." To be fair there's not a whole lot more I can do.

Riding bikes on friday should help :D


*assuming loans appear at some stage and I have time after selling my body on the street

cease riding!

Well as ever things haven't quite gone to plan. Carla spoke to Orange last night about cutting us off as when she called a month ago they said just give them a ring when we were leaving. However, last night they said we needed to put it in writing 15 days before we left! Carla spoke to seeral people to no avail and ended up getting properly pissed off when they implied she was lying about her first phonecall. A letter is being written but it's entirely inkeeping with how shite customer service is here generally and how cack Orange are in particular.

I also spent an hour on the phone with student loan flk asking what it was they wanted as 'evidence of my partner's temporary work abroad' but the chap I spoke to had no idea. Some persuasion and a long time on hold and I eventually got the answers I needed* but an hour today plus 2 calls where I was on hold for 15 minutes will make a hell of a mark on our phone bill, let's hope it was worth it.

On a positive note yesterday's ride was ace and had planned to get up early and get a final pedal in but being tired as hell last night meant I was more than happy to stay in bed until half 10 this morning. So I changed my address at the bank, registered my details with vodafone (some new Spanish law) and had a look at trains to and from Derby and Escocia then spent an hour on the phone to student loan people. Now I'm packing a bike indoors with no air con and it's 34 degrees outside and my mates are at the pool :( Very, very tempted to get another pedal in but experience has taught me that an already angry Carla plus gratuitous bike riding only equals a world of pain for dave. Ah well, thanks Madrid you were fun to pedal in. Besitos x

heavy eyes

Not been out drinking yet or really had any late nights but I'm feeling preeeettty tired this week. A month of summer camp and a lack of breeze when we head to bed means I haven't really caught up on as much sleep as I had wanted to. Plus I've managed to get my lardy arse out exercising a few times: couple of hours on the bike Monday evening then swimming yesterday* and now I face the dilemma of whether to go for a pedal this morning. I know I should, the bike gets packed away tomorrow for a month, but legs and eyes feel heavy, must resist...


*As I've told Carla a million times I managed to swim 40 lengths altogether :D

EDIT: went cycling, got 2 and a half hours in altogether and it was ace. Suffering a bit now as I managed to time it during the hottest part of the day :(

living in circles

My time in Madrid is ending as it started: no work*, no mates and spending inordinate amounts of time indoors. The latter is my fault because I haven't sorted out my stuff and I'm feeling too lazy to brave the heat. Actually it's not really the same as when I first arrived as I actually have mates it's just that they're on holiday and this time I have an actual plan of what I'm going to do for the foreseeable future.**

So the first order of business is to make a list of what I should be doing.

Gratuitous photo (something I've learned to do whilst living here)


*I'm on holiday which really isn't the same

**Foreseeable future being about the next 6 years

closing time

So we're almost at an end here, a year and a half has churned by with varying degrees of success but overall I think we'll both be pretty gutted to leave. Just seen that I haven't blogged in 2 months which probably says a lot-so much to occupy our time which can only be a good thing. It has definitely been an experience, I've learnt a lot about myself (3 months unemployed with no mates and no Spanish will leave you with a great deal of introspection) and made some great friends as well as got more time on my bike than ever before. However as Carla and I have just been gawping at a scene on TV where it was raining, you have no idea how much we'd like to see rain right now, a change of climate seems well timed. I'm sure the novelty will wear off after a few days of pissing wet Britain but still, we need to remain positive.

So the 'to do' list gains more lines every day than Gordie B. as we try to co-ordinate packing, seeing friends, finding a flat in Derby whilst living in Madrid and the fact that Carla is working until Thursday and we have to leave the flat on Friday. Still it's all part of the experience isn't it?

coming soon

Normal service will be resumed soon, sorry for such slackness - although I'm sure both of you will have slunked away by now.

weasel down

Just heard Andy Cathcart died this week in South Africa. He'll be sorely missed by all who knew him. Boy had skills and the ability to break kit just by staring at it, legend has it the UK importers of Intense bikes kept a spare frame for when he broke his current one.

he also rides bikes

After a week when I contemplated selling my mountain bike for a camera* I went on my first 'marcha.' Essentially they're enduros, today's was relatively short (40km) and was without placings to encourage beginners and others to attend. There were still your willy waving baw jaws, sporting expensive bikes, little in the way of skill and tonnes of aggresion but Alex and I managed to get past most of them.

The only annoying thing was that at the feed station 15km everyone had to wait for everyone else to catch up. Given there were 400 or more riders that only took a while but was a pain in the arse when Billy Big Baws and his mates all scooted to the front of the queue despite rolling in well behind us. Cue Alex and I having to cut through the field again. Which would have been fine if any fucker had heeded me shouting at them when coming up hills, theres pretty much only one way to get a single speed up a decent incline and all the granny ringing and line wavering in front of me meant I got a lot of practice doing slow speed high torque stuff. Was quite funny get a few guys bigging up me with 1 gear (single speeding, 29ers and using rigid forks on mountain bikes are things punishable by death here)

A great ride and only now starting to feel the burn although more to do with trying to clean sand from my chain at 12.30 last night and getting up at 7.


*a very, very nice camera it has to be said.

so so so boring

I'm on holiday. The sun is out. And what am I doing? Trying to write a sodding letter to send to various charities and trusts to ask for money. How exactly do I word the following:

Well money is tight because a) I'm Scottish and don't get fees paid and b) I've been living in Madrid for over a year and c) saved sweet FA money.

It's gonna be a long evening.

feed me

This is my 200th post! Sweet, I've been yabbering crap for quite a while now.

Recently undertook the mission of acquiring more up to date music-living in Madrid has a lot of benefits but I haven't heard recent decent music in a while. So I'm downloading: The Rifles, Jakob Dylan, Eagles of Death Metal, Doves' new album and PJ Harvey's if I can find it. Any more for any more?

Also recently went into the first blowmeawaythisisbleedingawesome shop in Madrid (Only took a year) A camera shop Alexis recommended. Wow. This place is a-mazing. New and 2nd hand from the usual suspects BUT also new and 2nd hand Leica, Zeiss and Hasselblad! Spent almost an hour gawking and lusting, now I just need the skills to justify the bling.

pedalling along

Not too much to tell at this end. There isn't as much money available to Scottish medics studying in England as I thought, I'm probably going to end up with £7-8000 of debt solely from interest :0 and another £40-50 grand in loans. Plus previous loans from first degree.

However, as everyone keeps telling me, "Doctors earn loads!" I'm hoping I can pay it back. In fact I had a wee look to see what I could expect to earn (I'm really well prepared and informed as ever) and the base wage is about £21k. That's based on a 40 hour week but of course you won't be working 40 hours a week, you'll be working 56 ;) So it should be doable to pay it back. Eventually.

i like it, i like it a lot

I was really impressed when I first used Aperture and I still think it's a fun way to store photos but felt it was bit limited for editing. Then for my birthday the G funk sent me lightroom 2. Just played with it just now and I'm pretty blown away. The amount of control and ease of use is amazing, so much more intuitive than Photoshop (for me at any rate) and a few minutes of farting about I changed this (which I like)


to this



So much fun and so easy. *sigh* I'm a saddo aren't I?

the one that got away

There is evidence that photography is slowly taking over my life, was out with mates last night and got a few decent pics but the one I was sure I'd bagged (looked fine on the LCD) was out of focus :'( so so gutted.

well that wasn't very clever

Not sure what happened but an Aperture crash later I've managed to get almost all of my pics back, some are gone for ever but they probably weren't that good anyway. In an attempt to protect myself and accommodate my burgeoning photo collection I have delved into the murky world of libraries, back ups and vaults. My god it's horrible. A cauldron of computer geekery and seemingly friendly terms, do I want to use referenced or managed files? I've never been much of a tech wizard and several hours in front of a computer screen* have left me slightly haggard. I'm getting there though. Referenced files should keep the overall storage down but means I need to keep on top of back ups. And I don't understand how the Aperture library works really. And I need to clear some space on our hard drive. But apart from that it's going swimmingly.

slow down

[Non uni related post warning]

After rattling off several photos over the last 2 weeks and thinking there were a lot of half decent ones. Looking back over them on flickr I'm starting to think I was too quick to judge them, it seems a new body and lens has an inherent learning curve. Some have come out ok, most are reasonable after posting what I thought was one of the better ones on a forum for feedback someone pointed out a really obvious (now) patch of light behind the subject making it seem like they're wearing a hat! So this week I will be mostly looking and not taking. Want to replace the 28mm f2.8 with a 35mm f2, much prefer the field of view to the 50mm and for the amount of silly dark shots I take an even larger aperture is necessary. Then I'll need to start hammering out a few hundred pics to get a handle on that lens. Hopefully after that I can settle into a relationship I was beginning to have with the d40/50mm set up.

o m (actual) g

Seems I missed an email (what a surprise) to say conditionals are normal, just means they're waiting on police and health checks but assuming they're fine (they should be, settle down) I have a place.

In a university.




I need a drink.

what the ...?

I have no idea what this means? I have my degree etc so I called them. They weren't sure either so I've to call back in half an hour. It could be for a waiting list or a course they want me to do OR because I forgot to hand in my National Insurance number. Bloody hell it's tense.

google.co.uk

The hungry caterpillar rocks. This is all.

anticipation

Was it the Bounty ad that used "just anticipating" as a line?

Anyway, just waiting for the last email so I can get on with my life but as I sit in my jim-jams drinking tea and watching the sun stream in I get the feeling I can't really lose. I'll be gutted if it's another no not least because I've invested so much in the whole process (6 months, 3 interviews and far too much cash) but also because in the last interview I'd convinced myself this is what I want to do. In Newcastle I felt like it was the last thing I'd want to do.

However, if it's not to happen then so be it. I've been through worse (losing mobile phone down lift shaft this week is a case in point) and in every* case I've ended up better off. Kicked out of Art school, kicked off uni course, almost kicked out of uni, company worked for went bust, the list is as long as it is embarassing but in every instance I managed to find some silver lining. Today it seems even clearer, I live in a warm climate with good friends and a lady that funds my extravagant lifestyle. I get decent money for something I mostly enjoy doing and I have enough free time to pursue other interests.** Not really a bad scenario ;)

*So far, this could be challenged on a monthly basis the way my luck splutters hot and cold.

**Some might say obsessions. (They'd be wrong obviously)

3 down...

One left and I find out tomorrow. So we'll be looking for a new flat in either Derby or Madrid very soon...

the end

Well it's finally over. Sort of. My last interview, this time at Nottingham, was on Thursday and marked the last part of the process for me. It was a wicked way to end, the panel were lots of fun and cracked a couple of jokes, made me feel at home and gave lots of little nods. I was pretty shocked and held my breath waiting for the difficult question to come up but it never did. Or if it did I never saw it. I asked the 2 big questions:

Is there anything I've said you'd like me to expand upon?

No, I think you've covered everything.

Are there any weak points in my application that would prevent me from studying here?

Well it's all relative; if we have 2 Nobel prize winners applying your chances are slim but if we have slavering psychopaths then you've probably got a better chance.

Bloody hell! Bring on the psychopaths! So all in all a great way to finish regardless of the outcome especially given I'd considered not turning up for this one given how badly things went at Newcastle.

In other news I am the proud owner of a cheap and cheerful 28mm fixed lens and a not so cheap 50-150 f2.8 lens as well as a new fujifilm s5 body. Only proble is I'm helping Carla with her work for the next 3 hours...

Only a few days since I posted about making decisions and again I'm mired in self debate. (not to be confused with maths debating which is far more fun) This time it's meant to be exciting, buying a camera body, but it's turned into a bloody nightmare. Buying stuff is normally fun but this is like being cutlery for a specfic occasion, can it do this? No? well what can it do? Ok cool Ill take it..hang on this one looks better, what does it do? Round and round and round. I just want a bloody camera that will do what I want when I want it and quickly. It's a (ridiculously expensive) tool, not a car. Was on the brink of buying one until some issue with the validity of the warranty reared it's head and since then it's been a war of attrition. Essentially it boils down to whether a buy an (arguably) better body than I have for £450 or a far better body for £750. Neither is new and neither come with a warranty. £400 or more on electronic goods without warranty? Have I gone mad? Quite possibly but at £1000 new-soon to rise to £1250-for the more expensive one then it seems more reasonable. Did you see how I did that? I made hundreds and hundreds of pounds of kit (second hand and without warranty) seem like a decent deal. That can't be good.

big mon's got a book an' that eh

Carla's padre is a published author now!

nice one mR D

friends

Another short entry, it's late and I'm working tomorrow-I don't normally work Fridays and this is the 3rd in a row. I don't need to tell you I'm missing my 3 day weekend. Anyway, been feeling pretty sorry for myself recently to the extent I'm tempted to blow a grand on a camera body, *ahem*, but the G funk sent a wicked little email basically reminding me how good my bird and my mates are amongst other things. He's right, I've done well, bloody well, to assemble the stalwarts that stick by me and help me out (usually moving/selling/posting bike stuff) when I need their help. I've stayed with mates in London 3 times in the last 6 months and I'm about to crash at a mates in Nottingham next week. Even today I was bouncing camera ideas around with henkle and the funk, when was the last time I actually laid eyes on them? Ages ago. So yeah he's right, I'm well off in all the right places, which is good as I'm still gonna buy that camera.

Besazos all!

a quickie

check out sean flanigan's work, awesome. Now click on his 'info' to find out how old he is.

decisions decisions decisions

Edit: get yourself a cup of tea and some biscuits before embarking on this post, it's bloody massive.


I was going to title this post 'what should i do?' but felt that might be a bit melodramatic. Yet, it's a question I seem to have been asking myself for nigh on 9 years now. When I sat my Highers back in the day it was a done deal, med school was in my sights and if all went to plan it was in the bag. I got my grades, had done plenty of work experience and was psyched to even get an interview. So when I had my place sorted before I even started 6th year I felt calm. At least for a while. Growing up, well since the age of 12 at any rate, there were only ever 2 choices in my mind: med school or art school. My careers advisors hadn't been all that great and my psychometric tests showed a worryingly shite list of ideas, top of which was barman. Eh, ta! In 5th year I'd had to drop art as med schools didn't consider it a hard enough subject and if you sat it you were pretty certain to be overlooked by them. I took it up again in 6th year and I'd like to say I became obsessed and never looked back but that didn't quite happen. The plan had been to start painting again after a year of hard studying, put together a portfolio and see what happened more because I knew I'd never have a year just to do that. Sadly with a place at uni I slacked off and I just started getting good again (I'd lost a lot even in that one year) towards the end of the year when it was time to leave school. By then, however, I'd started to fall out of love with the idea of med school, it was never the idea of being a doctor-I've never nor am I likely to ever think that it's anything but an ace job. Sure there will be times you feel utterly powerless, impotent to stop a disease, days where everyone you speak to is vitrolic and unreceptive, times when you are so completely exhausted and done in you feel like leaving it altogether but from everything I've seen and everything I know of myself, it would have been worth it. It was never the job so much as the effect of the job, the knowledge that I would become completely absorbed by it to the exclusion of those around me, specifically my family- existing and future. So I started having doubts and decided to defer entry and do a gap year which Glasgow Uni was more than happy about. (even then I could make dropping out sound good, 'gaining life experience' I think was the phrase I'd used) At the same time I organised an end of year comedy/skit thing at school and adored it. Thinking my time abroad could be used to further something like this I took off travelling for a year. What actually transpired was me fretting about 'proper' jobs versus the arts and all the gash you talk when you're 18 and you think the world owes you something.

So I ended up back home a year later having withdrawn from med school and trying to organise a portfolio for art school. I was sat at my Dad's, whom I was living with at the time, when September the 11th unfolded in front of me. It was, and still is, a pretty fucked up thing to see and I was a bit thrown by the whole thing, I mean what use is painting or design when something like that can happen? So I contacted Glasgow uni. And that's how I got accepted to med school the second time; a phonecall, some checks of my previous application (they hold them for 5 years) and a simple 'yes' was all it took.

Of course I turned it down soon after. Again. I reasoned that the things which had put me off the first time were exactly the same a year and a bit later so I was better off in a different field altogether. Hmm. That's how I ended up in art school but not painting or even in the fine arts faculty (Glasgow art school at least is split into fine art on one side and design on the other and never the two shall meet) but in product design. Why? Well it was arty, maybe designy is a better description, but still retained an air of credibility outside arty circles, it could almost be seen as a proper job. I have to say that within arty circles it was seen as second only to architecture as the lowest of the low, well that was the perception at glasgow anyway. I had chosen a halfway house and by god did I make a mistake. I don't have many regrets but starting that abomination of a course would probably be one, it was fucking awful. Shoddily taught, under funded and just a joke from start to finish. Clearly I kept my opinions to myself though...Perhaps that's why I failed my resit.

I had submitted my portfolio to the illustration department in a bid to abandon the sinking ship which meant not handing it into my own department in time and an automatic resit. Fine, totally worth it I thought not contemplating they would fail it. Which of course they did. It would have been nice to have found that out prior to fresher's week of what I thought would be my second year though. When I confronted them and asked to see my examiner's marking sheets I found comments such as, 'is he really committed to the course,' and 'does he want to be on the course?' I took them to task on the criteria of their marking, that my work was under scrutiny not me but they were unrelenting and I would have to repeat 1st year. They refused, although allowed 2 others who failed, to allow me to carry the resit into 2nd year. It turned out to be the best thing that could have happened as I ended up at 'proper' uni and after another 2 years of nightmares with uni departments I managed to get a pretty decent degree result. It had been the hardest thing I'd done, I was completely out of my depth studying literature until my 3rd year of uni but thankfully it came together after that.

Then I decided I still wanted to be a doctor. I guess this is already a long story (well done if you've made it this far by the way!) but essentially I knew by then regardless of what I decided to do I'd end up working hellishly long hours and giving it my all; so I thought it may as well be a worthwhile job I enjoy doing. Nearly 2 years on from that point I'm about to get knocked back for the second year on the bounce. Can't say I blame them, an arts student during a recession isn't a great look and I was honest/daft enough to tell them I'd been accepted before and knocked it back. Ah well never mind worse things happen at sea.

So I'm back in the same place as I was all those years ago which isn't the worst thing in the world, there are millions of people far, far worse off than me but you tend to be more miserable about your own fate than folk you've never met, I feel. Plus in those 9 years I've managed to go to india twice, brazil, nepal and australia once each, work in a bike shop (I never thought that would happen) teach in the Dalai Lama's monastery, move to Madrid and find a bird who is every bit as amazing as you could wish for, not bad really. Now that I'm a bit older I can see the merit in just getting on with it rather than pondering and debating it forever. The thing is I can't see many, possibly any, 'proper' jobs I'd like to do so I'm quite tempted to try my hand at something creative. What exactly I'm not sure of but then I never have been.

killing me softly

Had an excellent weekend devoted to seeing friends, Friday night having dinner with Alex and Sandra lubricated by wine and whisky, Saturday we had lunch with Olga and Pavlos, I met Eric for a beer and then yesterday we hooked up with Rubén and José for lunch and cake. Superb.

Today started well, the class was relatively quiet and paying attention while we went through the timetable and menu and then Anás woke up. He's an awesome kid who got a rough time last year because he doesn't always listen, sometimes he found his hands more entertaining than the class, hell sometimes he found a piece of lint more interesting, and he would shout out (wrong) answers at inopportune moments. Little has changed.

I brought him to the front to tell me whose turn it was to do the weather and the date today.

"Anás and Fiorella."

Then he sat down. The entire class called his name and told him to go to the front, so he did. In order to illustrate names belonging to people I asked everyone in the class whose name was David to raise their hands, myself and the only student called David did so. As did Anás. Cue more shouting of his name from the mob who were caught between laughter and anger at him. I asked him if his name was David.

"Yes!"
"You're sure? you're sure your name (pointing at him) is David?"
"Yes." (nodding hard enough to shake his teeth loose)
"Your name is David?"
"Yeeees."

By now the class were in the aisles wetting themselves and I was beginning to wonder if his name actually was the same as mine, so I moved on.

"What day is it today?"
"David."

Somedays you teach a kid the difference between right and wrong, other days you're just happy when they know their own name.

..and another thing

Just to let you know I will at some stage start posting about lighter hearted topics. ;)

unsuccessful again

Southampton uni this time which makes it 2 from 4 and doesn't include last weeks nightmare interview. Nottingham is in a couple of weeks but to be perfectly honest I've kind of written it off already. I know it's the wrong attitude and I've managed to pull good results from shitty scenarios before (uni springs to mind) but the open day for those accepted to the course is a week after my interview. People interviewed in March are most definitely bottom of the pile. Which in itself I don't mind, I much prefer to be told I can't do something and go out of my way to prove someone wrong but in this instance I feel I'm just going through the motions.

From start to, almost, finish it's been an exercise in damage limitation. Although the massive GAMSAT entrance exam went much better than I anticipated (and remembered at the last minute I had to sit the smaller UKCAT exam as well) there's been an issue with almost every step of the process. In Spain there's no precedent to observe doctors before starting a med course (wtf!) but despite that Carla's managed to sort stuff out for me. I received an email from Newcastle asking why I had missed my interview (I never got a letter because they screwed up the address), St Georges asked me for a different reference (Carla's dad was inappropriate, although no other uni has said the same), they also asked if I had an Honours degree! Plus on my own side I nearly booked the wrong dates for flights. Endless.

So, it's almost over. Thank fuck. Good riddance is my attitude right now especially given the money I've thrown at it. I've spent almost a grand on exams, flights and other travel costs, a figure that would have been far higher but for mates that live in London and Nottingham. What a farce. I could have bought some awesome camera kit for that much. What really sticks in my throat is that I think I would have been good at it, I wouldn't have set the world alight but I would have been able to plug away at something worthwhile, tough and depressing at times certainly but worth doing. I think I know why I've been knocked back, not sure because any feedback given (has to be requested in writing) is so oblique as to be useless, but I think an Arts graduate trying to get onto a vocational course amidst a recession smacks a little of desperation, my lack of long term work experience and my honesty in telling them I'd had a place at med school which I turned down when I was 18 have all counted against me. Now I'm faced with the reality that there are no 'proper' jobs I'd actually be that keen to do. Teaching is fun but I couldn't hack doing it for 30 odd years I don't think. The police is a route that in theory (public sector, positive work, varied) I'd be interested in but in practice I'm not sure I'd fit in. Which leaves what? I'm not too sure to be honest, I wasn't able to find anything I'd want to do in the 6 years since I knocked back med school which is part of the reason I re-applied to med school in the first place. If I had a discernible talent then I'd focus on that but while photography is going well it's not really a viable option, I'm just not good enough to work in that field doing something interesting. So ideas are welcome but for now it's a case of applying to another school for next year, consolidating my private classes and clearing what remains of my debts. Que sera, sera.

newcastle interview

From henceforth to be known as, 'twat in suit', it was amongst other adjectives: horrific. Stern, fine. Pushy and pressing, fine. Outright bored and insulting, well em no actually. There were such gems as:

".....Scottish history or whatever you studied..."

Ah, cheers for bothering to read the paper in front of you bawsack. (I in fact studied Scottish literature and comparative literature for those that haven't been listening) More to come in this story, well probably nothing from the uni except 'thanks but no thanks', but mi novia is literally calling me from the bedroom. Not erotically you understand, she's cold and hasn't got a hot water bottle. Well at least someone wants me...

interesting

In my boredom and frustration I did a quick personality/what sort of job should you do quiz. It was actually better than I thought it would be, 'you like to keep your options open' rang particularly true:

unsuccessful *2

fuck

I'm still here

Honest. I can't lie and say I've been busy or that the interweb has unexpectedly ceased to work thus depriving you all* of a riveting read. Nope I've just been being lazy, well that and becoming growingly obsessed by taking photos. The camera that I bought** for Carla and I at christmas is still providing us with hours of fun, well me at least as Carla has had work and homework to contend with, and impressed/annoyed our friends no end. The constant adjustments, *clicks* and re-adjustments (it is a manual focus lens) are thoroughly entertaining to all and sundry. I feel like I'm actually getting better which is nice although undoubtedly a plateau lies ahead I'm making the most of it. The camera itself is an impressive wee machine, teeny for an slr and to the point with minimal fuss. I think in time we'll feel we need a bit more - more control over exposure, white balance and an ability to auto focus with older lenses would be nice but for now it's ideal. Have a look on my flickr and feel free to leave comments, god knows the groups I've put some of the pictures in haven't held back:

3/10, well it's a snapshot really.

No it's bloody not! That took me ages. However, it's all good and it helps that tommy's photos are still getting better and better, I just have to sift through a few older ones (I'm a bloody long way from even imitating his current work) to get the brain flowing and then I go see what I can find. With hugely varying results. Still it's all good. Just need to get that big wheeled single speed out again, then I'll find some interesting pics.


*all implies more than 2

**Thereby reducing my debt to Carla to about 3k

the best complaint letter ever?

It must be pretty high on the list, apologies I've no idea if this is doing the rounds in the UK but it's the first time I've seen it and it's bloody brilliant.

read me

still here

Just. Newcastle issues all sorted and rescheduled for mid Feb interview which is good. Still to hear from Nottingham (have an interview but no date.....) and went to London last week to sit interview for St Georges. It seemed to go ok I felt I fielded most questions well, they're interesting most of the time which helps-no general time filler throwaways here.

"Imagine you're a GP and you've misdiagnosed a 50 year old patient and he has died as a result, what would happen and how would you feel?"

Ahem. I think I answered this one ok, I was certainly expecting something like it to appear and to be honest it's a scenario I know is entirely possible. A terrifying thought and if I were to practise medicine I hope one I would never encounter. Anyway overall seemed ok but feel in my gut something was missing, no idea what or why but still felt a bit empty afterwards. I did ask the 2 best interviewee questions I've heard (courtesy of John one of my London hosts) as well as my own specific med school one:

- Is there anything I've said you'd like me to expand upon?

-What reservations would you have about me working/studying here?

Brilliant. Sadly they said they couldn't answer the latter, though they seemed to like it! Ballsy for sure but what the hell.

Check out my flickr, over there on the right. No higher, yup that's it. Got an SLR for chrimbo (joint pressie with Carla) and adore it, lots more practice needed but love it so far.

unfuckingbelievable

Got home from a mixed bag of a day at around 9 to find an email from Newcastle Uni subject line: interview. Nice one I was thinking when the sledgehammer blow that is my luck (boiling hot or freezing cold I have yet to experience anything between feast and famine) struck me with the words:

Dear Mr McCrear,

You were scheduled to attend an interview at Newcastle University this afternoon at 3.30pm. It has come to my attention that you did not attend. Please contact me regarding this matter as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,


What....





......the.......





FUCK!

read and re-read it's still reverberating in my head, how is this even possible? I had called Nottingham whilst at home over Christmas to avoid a similar fate, why can these people only email after the event? Must stop seething as need to sleep and call them first thing in the morning, well first thing for the UK which is about lunchtime here (thereby missing more work) I'm starting to think if I don't make it in it was never meant to be. And if I do it better be bloody brilliant.* In other news, a bus wouldn't let me off at my stop today because I hadn't rung the wee bell (despite me standing at the door waiting to get off, making eye contact with the driver and being pretty obvious at the stop being the one I wanted off at) and then later a bus stopped to let me on then thought better of it and drove off! I also nearly broke my neck after sliding on ice whilst saying hello to some of my students at school and was given a cracking bottle of red wine by one of my students' parents. Like I said I don't fuck about when it comes to luck, when it rains it's a bloody monsoon.





*I think it will so fingers crossed, eh?

back

Well I had intended to write at length about my trip but as it's now lunchtime and I've frittered away an entire morning I'll keep it brief: it was lots of fun.

It's now snowing in Madrid which is weird but cool (eh, see what I did there)

In other news my latest obsession is the Fisher Superfly, after riding Chris' at Drumlanrig I'm hooked! In negotiations with my old work about the possibility of getting one...