Das Schizel

Nice. This is how you make a proper bike team, check out the custom head badge. To the drawing boards weasels!

must stay a w a k....zzzzzzzzzzz

Leaving the house at half 6 and getting back 11 and a half hours later for minimum wage does not a happy boy make. Still, there's only 3 weeks and 3 days left....

Pass!

Results came out early, a text from a friend lead to a panicked takeover of Carla's laptop and heart in mouth I logged into my email. Pass. In fact I did far better than I anticipated. Thank fuck it's over. I'm not too manly* to deny I may have even shed a tear. This has been a long time coming, around 15 years in truth, but I've made it over that first fence, it's been hard, hellish at times but I'm on the other side thanks in no small part to the person that's picked me up and told me to man the fuck up when necessary, made my tea more times than either of us can remember and never begrudged me picking up a bike to go and flog the demons out of myself. It was nails and I could never have done it alone.

*Some if not many would argue I'm far from manly at any given moment

laziness

It's pretty bad when you can't even be bothered going riding. The sun is creeping through however so maybe I'll strap a set on and head out.

It's been too long

Well holiday time is almost over, first year exam results are out on Thursday and my temp agency haven't yet found me a job so I have a lot of time to think about potential scenarios. I know military veterans can have flashbacks but is it possible to have a flashforward? (and I don't mean the TV show) I find myself visualising having to go through all my notes, all the lecture slides and all the PBL cases for what will be the third time in an exercise in mental pain. I can already see the same words coming up again, skipping over parts that I sort of know not able to see it with fresh eyes and inevitably missing things. I can already feel that quiet discomfort in the pit of my stomach when I question myself about where I went wrong in the initial exam, trying to put it out of my mind, trying to focus, trying to look ahead. I can almost taste the beers I'll miss out on as I refuse myself time to relax or enjoy myself while I prepare for resits. The lie ins that will disappear if I have to start my studying all over again.

I really hope I don't have resits.