Didn't realise how much the news earlier was going to affect me. I've always maintained that I'd accept the outcome with the same humour either way, obviously I wanted to be successful but realised given the circumstances I knew I may not be. I still thought if it went against me there were plenty other things I could turn my hand to. It was only today when faced with the reality of the situation that I began to comprehend just how much this means to me. I need to pick apart why that is and whether the hatred of my current role is intertwined. Maybe then I can begin to reassess and redirect my energies. Today, however, everything began to unwind in front of me and I found myself reeling from the news. Having absorbed it (or so I thought) I then returned to work for an hour before realising that the sinking feeling was getting worse, that I felt like I was being crushed by it. I made my excuses and bolted home where I knew Carla would be during her lunch. She read my face and was perfect, I was destroyed. I've complained a lot since being here and she's supported me regardless but today she excelled herself and did everything possible. I can't be devastated for long with someone like that beside me.
My rock, mi novia, mi amor.
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