unsuccessful again

Southampton uni this time which makes it 2 from 4 and doesn't include last weeks nightmare interview. Nottingham is in a couple of weeks but to be perfectly honest I've kind of written it off already. I know it's the wrong attitude and I've managed to pull good results from shitty scenarios before (uni springs to mind) but the open day for those accepted to the course is a week after my interview. People interviewed in March are most definitely bottom of the pile. Which in itself I don't mind, I much prefer to be told I can't do something and go out of my way to prove someone wrong but in this instance I feel I'm just going through the motions.

From start to, almost, finish it's been an exercise in damage limitation. Although the massive GAMSAT entrance exam went much better than I anticipated (and remembered at the last minute I had to sit the smaller UKCAT exam as well) there's been an issue with almost every step of the process. In Spain there's no precedent to observe doctors before starting a med course (wtf!) but despite that Carla's managed to sort stuff out for me. I received an email from Newcastle asking why I had missed my interview (I never got a letter because they screwed up the address), St Georges asked me for a different reference (Carla's dad was inappropriate, although no other uni has said the same), they also asked if I had an Honours degree! Plus on my own side I nearly booked the wrong dates for flights. Endless.

So, it's almost over. Thank fuck. Good riddance is my attitude right now especially given the money I've thrown at it. I've spent almost a grand on exams, flights and other travel costs, a figure that would have been far higher but for mates that live in London and Nottingham. What a farce. I could have bought some awesome camera kit for that much. What really sticks in my throat is that I think I would have been good at it, I wouldn't have set the world alight but I would have been able to plug away at something worthwhile, tough and depressing at times certainly but worth doing. I think I know why I've been knocked back, not sure because any feedback given (has to be requested in writing) is so oblique as to be useless, but I think an Arts graduate trying to get onto a vocational course amidst a recession smacks a little of desperation, my lack of long term work experience and my honesty in telling them I'd had a place at med school which I turned down when I was 18 have all counted against me. Now I'm faced with the reality that there are no 'proper' jobs I'd actually be that keen to do. Teaching is fun but I couldn't hack doing it for 30 odd years I don't think. The police is a route that in theory (public sector, positive work, varied) I'd be interested in but in practice I'm not sure I'd fit in. Which leaves what? I'm not too sure to be honest, I wasn't able to find anything I'd want to do in the 6 years since I knocked back med school which is part of the reason I re-applied to med school in the first place. If I had a discernible talent then I'd focus on that but while photography is going well it's not really a viable option, I'm just not good enough to work in that field doing something interesting. So ideas are welcome but for now it's a case of applying to another school for next year, consolidating my private classes and clearing what remains of my debts. Que sera, sera.